"Retiring" at 41

My last day as a practicing attorney was Friday, March 13th. Here's a piece on why I decided to move on from the law and what I'm doing next.

I practiced law for 15 years. The only time I remember actually liking it was when I worked in the University of Washington’s Low Income Taxpayer’s Clinic while getting my LLM in taxation. I’d graduated law school but wanted to specialize in tax, so like any good masochist, I signed myself up for an additional year of school. Working in the Clinic was rewarding and fulfilling in ways that the remaining 14.5 years of practice rarely would be.

I’ll never forget the joy on my client’s face when I got to tell her that the IRS had accepted her innocent spouse defense and was dropping its lien petition against her. Or when an immigrant didn’t know he needed to file so I filed for him, convincing the IRS to waive penalties and interest. These people desperately needed help, and I provided it.

I naively thought private practice would give me the same sense of accomplishment. Fuck me, right?

Sure, there are clients I loved working with and a handful who will always be in my life because we’re friends now and they’re stuck with me, but the work was uniquely draining. And while I was certainly helping people, and there are a number of cases I’m proud of, it never brought me the same sense of accomplishment. Or if it did, it was more about the money and less about the client’s satisfaction.

Lawyering is basically telling someone that you’re going to try to fix one of the worst things to ever happen to them. They rarely hear the “try” part. Most clients believe we work miracles but then don’t want to pay for said miracle, deeming it too expensive and how dare you.

Baby Lawyer Lindsey’s first headshot. 2011

I tried to quit so many times. About nine months into practicing, an attorney I was working with was treating me poorly (in my humble and correct opinion which was disputed by the firm). In not so many words, I was told his behavior was to be expected and that I should just grin and bear it. Because of course they did.

Crying in another attorney’s office, he told me, “Don’t quit. Come work with me.”

I’m glad I didn’t quit. He was an incredible mentor, made me the attorney I was up until a few days ago, and I miss him. Sadly, he recently passed away.

The second time I almost quit was in 2014. Coby and I went to the Seychelles for our honeymoon. It was gorgeous and peaceful and we both could see ourselves calling the islands home in that way you do when traveling.

Seychelles honeymoon 2014

In our suite one night, we had a serious conversation. I’d been practicing law for four years and was set to make partner the next year (Made partner at 30 yrs old). Coby was switching jobs, leaving the college and joining my alma mater, Cashmere High School. It was the perfect time to ask ourselves:

“Is this how we see our lives playing out?”

I’ve always admired people who live outside society’s rules. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t have children. I don’t subscribe to the notion that I need to live a conventional lifestyle. I honestly believe I would have been perfectly happy running a scuba shop in Thailand. We had a choice:

1. Sell everything and move to a cheaper country, find basic jobs and live on the beach.

2. Keep on keeping on.

We kept on. And sometimes, I wish we’d chosen door #1.

There was a third time that I almost quit, again because that same person at the firm was again being…well, not nice, we’ll say. I’d love to give you the juicy details, and maybe I will when he’s dead and gone, but for now you’re just going to have to trust me. I was fucking pissed off and unhappy. No one treats me that way and gets away with it.

Instead of quitting, because honestly, that would have felt like he won, my friends and I opened our own law firm. And that, I will never regret.

These past 6 years at GGW Law have been a blessing. I worked mostly with clients and on projects I thought were a good fit for me. My colleagues are some of the best in the business, and we had a great time. I think I laughed almost everyday in the office. My partners are two of my best friends and I’m forever grateful to them for being brave enough to forge a new path.

But the staff made everyday worth coming to work. From Jill and I recreating Elphaba’s dance in Wicked to Teisha’s infectiously joyful personality. Michaela and I talking fitness and feminism. Sarah’s conspiratorial giggle. The office dog Lincoln and his Dad, Charlie, who still hasn’t seen Heated Rivalry which is a crime arrest him immediately.

It wasn’t enough to keep me happy. I knew that if I kept on keeping on this time, I would regret it for the rest of my life. It felt like, if I didn’t quit now, I never would. And if I never quit, I’d spend every day trading my happiness for money, and I’d look back at my life, hoping for a different outcome. And boy, is that a depressing thought.

Maybe I had a mid-life crisis. Maybe I was burnt out. Maybe my mental health had gotten so bad I couldn’t practice without feeling like the world was going to end.

I had to call it. For me. For my clients. For my partners. My heart had never been in it, but my head was gone now too.

I’m writing this on a Monday. A Monday without having any actual lawyer work to do. The first in 15 years, save for vacations. It hasn’t hit me yet.

And you might be asking yourself, how does she have the money to retire at 41?! And I say, that’s none of your damn business! Just kidding :) I share everything with you guys!

• I saved (believe it or not, Dior did not get my entire paycheck).

• I have a few investments which kick off passive income.

• Coby has a good job.

But I will need to bring in a paycheck eventually.

And I have a few things cooking. With “getting an agent, selling the book for a giant sum, getting an advance for book 2, and becoming a best selling author” as my #1 choice. Durh.

But there are actual leads in the job field. I’ll share more later, but for right now, I’m taking some time off. I’ll fill it with relaxation and a lot of writing.

So here I sit. Jobless. Free. Happy. RELIEVED. And proud of myself. I am changing my life because I want more from it. And I refuse to spend the next 20 years stuck in the same loop of loathing my profession but being too scared to do anything about it. That’s just not how I operate.

Sometimes, the scariest jumps end up being the most rewarding. So with that in mind, here’s to the next chapter. May she light my soul on fire.

And lastly, what I’m looking forward to the most: Posting whatever the fuck I want on social media without fear of losing clients. You thought my political posts were bad before. GIRL! They about to get so much worse. ;)

Remember, stay difficult and always question authority.